Member Blog
How to say YES to life!
Nov
Is this the life you imagined?
Is this what you wanted for yourself?
Or do you know there’s more out there for you, but perhaps you aren’t going for it?
I get it. We can get enmeshed by all our commitments and responsibilities. Trapped even. We feel obligated to meet every expectation and demand on our time and energy. They come from all angles, don’t they – work, our health, our relationships, friends and family.
And life throws curve balls, unexpected things happen, opportunities come and go. Looking back, how did you respond? How well did you adapt? Did you grab those opportunities?
One day you wake up and realise that your life is just a pale imitation of your hopes and dreams. The vision you had for your future hasn’t quite been achieved… Yet.
I believe that there are ways to create more of the things you want. Whether that is on an emotional level, such as more joy and excitement. Or perhaps related to aims and achievements such as career prospects, personal goals or financial security. Or what about reducing or eliminating the things you don’t actually want?
Here are some ideas to help with this;
1. Set your Non-negotiables
Keeping a certain aim in mind, what needs to be done each week to help you move towards that aim? This is your non-negotiable for that week
For example, if you had a goal of writing a book, what would help you achieve the target of writing a certain number of words that week? It could be blocking out a certain portion of time in your diary, and protecting it from any other commitments that arise. Perhaps having all the dinners pre-prepared for the week would free up some time? Or maybe it’s doing the relevant research that will help you make progress?
If your aim is to get fit, your non-negotiable could be to commit to a certain number of exercise classes or sessions with a trainer. In order to make this happen perhaps you need to book sessions in advance and let other family members know your plans so that they don’t intrude on this allocated time.
If we don’t consciously think ahead, make plans and commit to them in this way, we often find that our aims, hopes and dreams get side-lined by other responsibilities and before we know it another week or month has passed us by and we still haven’t made any progress!
So, get clear on your non-negotiable. Make a commitment, write it down, tell someone who will keep you accountable. Make it work and make it count!
2. Say ‘No’ more often!
Many women find themselves prioritising the needs of other people over their own and taking on more and more roles, commitments and responsibilities. Traits such as people pleasing, the need for acceptance and the fear of judgement often mean that we say yes to things that drain our time and energy and don’t serve us at all.
When I talk to clients about being more discerning about what to agree to and when to say no, they find this really difficult. It’s almost as if they need permission to say no.
I invite you to take a moment to close your eyes, take a deep breath and imagine how freeing it could be and how much lighter you will feel without the burden of all those extra responsibilities. So, can you give yourself permission to be more selective, more discerning and choose to say no when it really doesn’t fit with your vision?
This takes practice so don’t worry if it feels hard at first. A little tip is to have an answer ready that will give you some thinking time. For example, “Let me check my diary and get back to you on that”.
3. Say ‘Yes’ more often!
The flip side to saying no, means you now have time and space to say yes to things you might have passed over before.
Say Yes!
- to the things that will light you up and make you happy
- to offers of help and support – you don’t have to be Superwoman doing it all by yourself!
- to things that move you towards your dreams and goals, that vision you have for your future
Now this might feel difficult, because in some instances it means you have to step out of your comfort zone. If you’ve ever fancied trying something new and initially felt really excited about it, but then noticed some resistance to the idea, you can bet you’re on the edge of the comfort zone.
Farrah Storr, the former editor of Elle magazine, described this feeling as a ‘Brief Moment of Discomfort’ (or BMD for short). She asserts that yes, we do feel uncomfortable at that moment, but that the discomfort is only transitory and short lived. Once we take the first step into the new territory, we will start to experience the magic, the growth that this brings, and the discomfort quickly subsides. In fact, we torture ourselves by prolonging the discomfort by procrastinating so long and remaining on the precipice! Remember, it’s just a BMD!
Try looking at things from this perspective and see if it will help you to be more courageous. Without the courage to say yes, you might be missing out on so much magic!
A series of small steps can build sustainable behavioural change, resulting in significant mind-set shifts. Before you know it, you’re saying yes to all the best things in life!
For help and support with this approach, and for lots more ideas on how to say yes to life, take a look at my group coaching programme, ‘More Like Myself’. Or, if you’re ready for a deeper dive (or don’t know what to do next) then book a complimentary call with me.
