Ladies, why do you need to be present in photographs?

“It’s okay; I’ll give this one a miss; I’m busy,” say many women when asked to be in photographs.

Have you ever looked at a photograph of a friend and thought, “Wow, she has a big nose; that’s not her best side,” or wished she had just found some better light?

No, you haven’t.

When you look at a picture of a friend or family member, you see their beauty – a moment frozen in time. It may have been a serious picture, or a moment captured in laughter or tears, but whatever the picture was, you saw the beauty.

But hands up – if you see a picture of yourself and immediately hate it, fixating on the parts you dislike about yourself.  And guess what? This is more about women than men, which is why many women are missing from the story of their family history in pictures. It could be because, as women, we are often behind the camera, or we may not want to be in them because we’re having a bad hair day.

PRECIOUS MEMORIES

So, let’s explain why we – and I say we because I’m just like you – hate seeing myself in pictures. However, I’ve changed since I realised, looking back at photos of my boys from the past 30 years, that I was mostly missing from my own story.

It’s not easy to overcome the feeling that you don’t look good, but we must start rethinking this, as our children will seek these images to show their children.

Very recently, my husband’s mother passed away, and the family needed a picture of her when she was younger as well as a more recent one. The younger one wasn’t a problem – a beautiful picture of her sitting on a cliff in Cornwall with the dog, and her husband, my father-in-law, adored it. It brought back the moment, and we spent hours discussing the memories surrounding it. As I mentioned, we also needed a more up-to-date picture, which was harder to find. At family gatherings over the years, usually held at my in-laws’ house, she would run around looking after everyone and was often missed in some pictures. I also remember her saying, “Oh, not me, I don’t like having my picture taken.” So, consequently, fewer pictures were taken. We eventually found one, but it was a group shot, and we had to crop tightly around her. It was still a beautiful picture and stood proudly on her casket at the funeral.

After reading this, it should be clear why we must get in front of the lens. It’s not about achieving perfection; it’s about capturing precious memories for our families, both now and in the years to come. And don’t forget to take photos of our elderly relatives. A couple of years ago, I took photos of several individuals in a care home for an exhibition. We displayed each photo alongside an old picture of the resident from their younger days. The relatives cherished them! As a result, I received many requests to send the digital images to their sons and daughters. Many of these individuals later reached out to me after the passing of their parents to express their gratitude for the recent picture. It’s crucial that we remember to photograph every age group!

TAKE A CLOSER LOOK

Later, after reading this, look at some pictures of yourself with family and friends.

Don’t fixate on yourself; consider the whole picture, the story created. Ask yourself, was this a happy moment? Was this a significant time in your family’s history? If so, it’s a beautiful picture of you and everyone else.

This doesn’t apply to everyone, but do you remember the days before mobile phones, or at least before they had super sleek cameras? We had an automatic camera and took the film to the chemist to be developed, hoping for 36 perfect exposures to come back, though that wasn’t always the case.

Nowadays, we can take 36 digital images to achieve one ideal picture and repeat the process several times a day. We constantly look at ourselves, uploading to social media for our friends, family, and work. We continually examine ourselves and our faults. Look at yourself in the mirror – this is our norm; this is how we have seen ourselves for years. However, if you look at an instant digital image of yourself, the picture is flipped and may even look slightly different from how you see yourself in the mirror. This distortion could be another reason we don’t like how we appear, but it’s you; it’s a moment captured in your history. It’s like hearing your voice played back to you. It’s you! You can’t change it, so embrace it. People on the internet don’t care; they quickly scroll past and probably don’t even take a proper look.

WHY AM I TELLING YOU ALL THIS?

Simply because, as women, we need to start looking at ourselves through the eyes of our children, partners, and friends. We are all beautiful. As a photographer, I will always understand your feelings and ensure you feel comfortable. I love it when a woman looks at the back of my camera and says, “Oh, I don’t look that bad, do I?” You don’t just look ‘not bad’; you look beautiful, and it’s time you start seeing that, too.

GO ON, TAKE THE PLUNGE

So, take the plunge and book that family portrait – and embrace it with open arms. Have fun, laugh, and hug your children and partner.

Family portraits at home make everyone comfortable. I’ve photographed families playing board games or baking together – capturing real moments. Invite Grandma or Grandad to get the generations together. 

Let me document part of your history. Trust me to create fabulous pictures of you and your family, or when you are at work. Remember, we are not here on this planet forever, and when we leave, we need to leave a trail of photos for the next generation to wonder at and say, “Oh my, didn’t I look like great Aunt Susan? She was beautiful.”

So, keep taking selfies and pictures of your children and family every day, because you won’t experience this day with them again. Tomorrow, they’ll be a little older. Yesterday was a treasured memory. Savour the beauty of you and them now. It will pass in the blink of an eye, so book a professional like me to capture a couple of hours.

Usually, I charge £375, but I’ll offer 50% off to Pink Link members.  Get in touch here.

You can see more of my work here (weddings and portraits) and here (travel and documentary)

Hazel Holloway Photography – Pink Link Ladies

“The question is not what you look at, but what you see.” – Henry Thoreau