Divorce or an Abusive Relationship  can have a long-lasting and devastating effect on children. This is why having a Couples’ Therapy to repair a failing relationship, is a much better thing to do, than going ahead to have a breakup or divorce.

There may, however, be circumstances where a breakup is much better for the parties concerned.

If your partner is abusive, your children may present with the following symptoms:

 Self-rejection: They may begin to “reject” who they are – because they hate who their abusive parent is. They see the image of such a parent in themselves and they hate what they see. Some children may go as far as self-harming themselves as a way to punish that part of them that is like the abuser.

Loss of Self-Esteem: Children would most likely lose their self-esteem and lack self-confidence.

Withdrawal From Friends: They may start to withdraw from their friends because they do not want others to know about their home situation.

Brutal: They may become brutal and very aggressive towards others, because that is the only way they have seen their parent acting.

Self-Isolation: They may even self-isolate from their peers which will lend themselves to bullying from some of their school mates who may see them as “weirdos”.

Distorted Personality: The children’s personal developments could be distorted as they may begin to play the “adult-role” of “protector” of the “battered” parent in the relationship.

What all this will do, is that the child is confused, feels unloved and unprotected and would most likely grow up into an adult that would not not how to have a loving relationship with a partner. So, the cycle of abuse continues.

How to Know If You Are In An Abusive Relationship.

Coercive Control.

If your partner has a sly way of making you conform to their wishes even if you had said “No” a few times to that request. 

If your partner is IN CHARGE of most aspects of your life – finances, recreational outings, where you can or cannot go, what you cook for dinner, what your children can or cannot do when he is around, etc.

Aggressive Financial Control.

If you constantly have to seek permission from your partner before you can buy anything for yourself. For example, if you are always required to produce receipts for your expenditures, even such simple things as buying a cup of coffee or tea, etc.

Walking on Egg-Shells.

If you are constantly being very careful not to offend your partner as every little thing you do irritates him or her, so much so that you have to explain your actions or be made to feel really stupid for what you have done.

Constantly being patronised and belittled.

If your partner says or does things that make you fee like you are “stupid” and or that you need to “do better”, etc, so much so that you feel “small” most of the time and he/she needs to be your “guide”, or else you would “go wrong”, etc.

Physical, Verbal or Sexual Violence.

Your alarm bells should start ringing when your partner is being physically violent, verbally violent (e.g. shouting so loud you feel disorientated) or sexually violent – making you do things that he knows will hurt you sexually and yet continuing to do it even when you said “No” or asked him to “Stop”.

That’s just a few of the signs that you are in an abusive relationship. I’m sure you can add to the list from your own experiences.

No one should remain in an abusive relationship. It is not only dehumanising, it can be fatal. From various statistics shown in the UK, at least 2 women get murdered by their abusive partners every week!


  • Check out any Domestic Abuse Charity near you and file a report when it is safe for you to do so.
  • If you feel you are in real danger, call: 

REFUGE – on the National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 24-hour Helpline:

0808 2000 247.

If you need help  tackling any of the issues raised in this article, please get in touch with me.

Or visit my website:

Thanks for reading my blog!



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