UNDERSTANDING YOUR PARTNER’S “MAP OF THE WORLD”.
Understanding your partner’s “map of the world” is vital in every relationship. Knowing your partner’s upbringing style makes it easier to love him/her.
Relationships can be sweet at the best of times. However, after the first few months or even a year, the love chemicals wear off and you are left wondering where all the love and passion you had at the beginning have gone.
You can even begin to wonder whether or not you even truly know the person you hooked yourself up with at all!
It is a very strange feeling…
You are not the only one to feel like that. It is strange, because all the promises your partner made to you when you started out now look like they never even existed! Did he/she lie to you when you were courting?
It is important to remember that you and your partner came from different backgrounds and therefore see the world from different angles, with constant reference to your own “map of the world” – that is, the way you were brought up.
If someone called Tom came from a family where his parents yelled at each other when they had an argument, as a child, that would be his map of the world. So, Tom would always think: “To settle an argument with my partner, the best way would be to yell at her until she heard me well enough to agree with my point of view. I know this is the best way to go about it, because that was how my parents settled their disagreements”.
We can’t blame Tom for this style of communication, because he didn’t know any other way to settle matters while he was growing up.
Imagine, having now grown up and Tom has fallen in love with a partner, Alice, whose “map of the world” is totally different from his.
Alice grew up in a home where her parents settled their disagreements quietly – away from the children. They would go into their bedroom together and speak quietly to each other until they regained their composures. Then they would come back into the living room, smiling as if nothing ever happened. Or, perhaps, the children would see them arguing briefly, but their Dad would walk out of the room and go somewhere else, to give the woman time to calm down. When next the children see their parents together, all is well and there is peace.
Now paired with Tom, Alice is totally at a loss at the way Tom keeps yelling at her in the presence of their children, whenever they had an argument! She is totally distraught by Tom’s “shouty” behaviour because she sees it as totally disrespectful and unloving. However, Tom doesn’t understand why Alice seems to be ignoring his outbursts. “Why doesn’t she just yell back at me?”
So, how do you get Tom and Alice to understand each other’s communication style?
Well, that’s where I come in as the Coach!
Effective Communication Skills and Conflict Resolution are both vital skills that Couples in relationships need to learn and work on if they want to stay together. Learning about each other’s backgrounds is also vital for the couples, to understand each other’s “map of the world”, so, they can fully understand why their partner behaves as he/she does.
Can Couples Change their Natural Habits?
Yes, they can, if they are keen on staying together. It is not easy, but it can be done.
Where there is a strong love and connection, repairing a relationship is very possible.
Willingness to understand and accept each other’s way of thinking is vital.
Let’s work together to save your marriage or relationship!